Starting college is an exciting but overwhelming time for most young adults. Learning how to balance academics, a new social scene, and any work obligations can leave self-care in a place of neglect. Even with the welcomed change of “leaving the nest,” transitions are a difficult time for most people, and learning how to nourish oneself without the conveniences of home can be a challenge.
You may notice that when your child comes from college for holiday break, that they have gained weight. Anxiety sets in because you’re concerned about how your child is taking care of themselves, what or if to say anything about the change, and yet not wanting to avoid dealing with possible issues that are associated with their changing body. Below you will find some strategies in dealing with such issues to help alleviate the stress as well as to provide support for your loved one:
· Don’t assume that the weight gain is an issue. Perhaps their changing body is reflective of self-exploration, new freedom and fun that they are experiencing at college. Creating independence and learning how to feed themselves appropriately takes time, and there is a learning curve associated with this new phase in self-care.
· Watch out for warning signs that your child is concerned about the changes in their body. How do they talk to themselves about the weight gain? Are they criticizing their bodies or complaining that they do not fit into their clothes? You may have to purchase a few new items of clothing during this time of transition so that they feel confident and comfortable, but you do not have to buy a new wardrobe. Once their weight settles out, you can decide what else, if anything, needs to be purchased.
· Have a body composition test done by a professional. Is the new weight reflective (and appropriate) of any growth that has occurred or an increase in age? Physical maturity usually completes during the college years, and weight gain/loss can occur during times of growth.
· Spend consistent time with your child, and be a good observer during meals. Are they eating intuitively, or are there new behaviors that cause concern?
· Continue to monitor your child’s actions following meals. Are they drinking a lot of water, then disappearing or spending long periods of time in the bathroom? If you suspect that your child is purging, you should confront them with any worries.
· State any concerns in a loving and clear, but firm manner. If possible, use the same descriptors that they are using themselves (i.e. “I’ve gained so much weight”) to prevent them from accusing you of believing they are “fat.” Any concerns that you have should be addressed directly in the context of what concerns your child is stating, or behaviors you have noticed.
· Ask questions. How is your child making the transition in college? What are their stressors in school? Have they developed friendships or when are they feeling lonely? Are they too involved with the social scene? Develop ways that you can best support them while also holding them accountable to take care of themselves (i.e. nourish themselves appropriately), and not be pushed away because your child is too embarrassed to admit any difficulties.
· Hold your child accountable for their actions, and any commitments they make to increase their self-care. If they are gaining weight because they are going out and drinking most nights, chances are they are neglecting other areas of their life (i.e. academics or sleep) and need to re-prioritize their commitments.
· Praise any positive behaviors during this time of transition. Remember that they are still learning, and continue to encourage in areas that are appropriate.
The holidays are for spending quality time with loved ones, and celebrating new milestones (i.e. college). Do not allow the weight gain to take away from such special and infrequent experiences, but rather enhance and build upon this new phase of their life. Afterall, you are still their parent, able to offer guidance and support in times of need, while also holding your child accountable for self-care and without avoiding potentially destructive behaviors. Finally, if your child still needs more support, encourage them to seek out help from their college counseling center where they can receive (often free) support to cope with stressors, or specialized counseling in food and body image issues.
